They glued. Linoleum. To the hardwood. Floor.
GLUED IT.
Behold.
And by the way check out that sweet knotty pine. Six hours later, I’ve done almost a quarter of it and my right arm has been amputated and replaced with a false one, so hopefully tomorrow won’t be nearly as painful. Other highlights include the 4×5 patch of moisture damaged floor in the bedroom, and the big black patch of mold under the wallpaper. Yay! Old houses! I’m not complaining. I’m not. I love it. Well, except for this:
Nice. you can almost hear the 70s bow chicka wow wow, can’t you? You should see the ceiling fans. All six of them. I’m telling you, this house would make a great porno set. Living in a porn house. That would be…. well, creepy really. Although it would mean I’d get lucky every time I had a pizza delivered.
When I arrived at house today to begin the carnage, I swear to you it clapped its hands and made a “squee!” sound. I stepped in and said, out loud to the house, “don’t worry! I’m here to make it all better!” You know those horror movies where the house is like, alive? And it turns on the people living there and starts to write scary stuff in the steam on the bathroom mirror and whispering “GET OUT” and then eventually starts killing them? My house LOVES me. I fully expect to wake up one morning and find pancakes and bacon going in the kitchen. And I’ll say, “house? Did you make this for me?” And the house will just sit there smiling behind its paper and take a sip of coffee and say, “what? I didn’t do anything.” And then I’ll say, “you did! You made me breakfast! You are so awesome!” And the house will say, “well, you EARNED it.” And I’ll say, “I love you, house.” And then the house will start energy saving measures and killing its own termites and other little things just to show it cares.
And then in about ten years I will spurn it for another. Because that’s about as long as I can stay in any one place. I’m the wind, baby.
I’ll say this, I’m not sure I would ever do this floor thing for anyone but me. Well, okay, I would for a select few. Like maybe three people. Five. Six if he ever gets his act together. However, if anyone wants to jet on down to Nashville and help, these walls aren’t gonna Kilz themselves.
Happy new year, everyone! Big things next year. BIG things!
OK, I’m in. Because when I was incapacitated with depression 9 years ago, you cleaned my room for me.
Unfortunately, I’m going to New Orleans Wednesday until Sunday. Are you doing work on evenings during the week?
OMG! I can NOT believe you remember that. Wow. Well, of course there’s no need for repayment. I did that because I am your friend and I hated seeing you suffer. However, if you are up for it, then yes, I will be working most nights during the week after work. You can call my cell to see if I’m there before coming out. But I’m planning to be there most nights from about 5:30 to 8 or 9. Or later. Let me know when you want to come and I’ll email you the address and directions.
If you can help, I will appreciate it more than I can tell you. It’s a little scary and overwhelming even though I’m excited about it.