An open letter to French-haters
April 8, 2008 by Recovering Baptist
People, people PLEASE. Why must you hate on the French? They are so awesome! If it weren’t for the french, we would not have the croissandwich. And really, I think I could stop there. But instead, I will point out other great contributions from our french freres.
*Amelie (seriously, there is a lot of great french film)
*Mousse. And creme brulee. And eclairs. And…. fuck it… PASTRY. ALL PASTRY.
*Descartes
*Neckerchiefs
*Chanel
*Tongue kissing. Yes. They invented it. Do not question me.
*Bidets
*The Can-Can
*Berets
*The phrases “c’est la vie” and “que sera sera”. Which kind of ultimately makes them responsible for the careers of Doris Day
and Robbie Neville. As well as a good part of David Sedaris’ career.
*Cameras
*CHEESE
*Champagne… and wine….. and absinthe…. fuck it…. BOOZE.
*Jerry Lewis jokes
And don’t throw that whole WWII German crap at me. If it weren’t for the French? We would have lost the American Revolution and we’d all be spelling “honor” and “color” with a U in them! Is that what you want? You want bad teeth and soccer riots? DO YOU?
You lay off the French! I mean it!!
*Yeah, I know. I’m gone for months and then I reappear with this. A lot’s been happening. I think I’m, uh, evolving. Or maybe devolving. I don’t know. But I’m having a very rich inner life at the moment. And eating a lot of fruit.
[...] why this made me laugh so hard i snorted! ok, so that’s not that hard what with the sinus death going [...]
i’ve been telling people (read: women) that we invented kissing my whole life! surprisingly, that line doesn’t work as well as i might hope… go figure.
I agree that the French are profoundly awesome, and not only because they are our ancestors.
I was just thinking about this the other day when I ran across this incredibly chic little tin of what is apparently a gastrointestinal remedy!
http://www.basicfrenchonline.com/htm/product_info.php?products_id=435
Only the French could make a homeopathic bloat remedy so aesthetically pleasing.
Gros bisoux,
Ta cousine
Good Lord and butter, almost TWO MONTHS of no posts.
Don’t let it happen again, missy!
You should add the French accent.
And cheeses.
YES! Clearly french accents make the list. Oh how I love them so.
And OMG a real live frenchie read my post! That both intimidates and delights me! Every time I sit and think about how I am not using my french degree, I launch into a dangerous shame spiral, so I can’t dwell on it too much. But oh how I love and miss my language skills and my time spent in the motherland.
*getting a second job to fund my new basicfrenchonline.com habit*
you know what i do when i feel my language skills fleeing from my growing southern accent? i watch starwars with the subtitles tuned to french… so every once in a while, when an alien speaks it’s own language, i get slapped with french subtitles instead of english and have to translate to figure out what the hell is going on.
also, greedo is really much better as a frenchman.
crap, how big of a nerd am i?
A big one. A big, awesome French one. And here’s how big a nerd *I* am. Last night while playing World of Warcraft? I had a 20 minute argument with a guy on Ventrilo over the badassery of Yoda. I say Yoda is the shit. He claims that Yoda *was* the shit, until episode 2 when he couldn’t even defeat Dooku. Cretin.
cretin indeed. yoda is, was, and always will be “the shit.” end of discussion.