I have trapped the chupacabra in the hall closet! Fat bastard ran under the door from my office as I was walking into the bathroom this morning. HI! GOOD MORNING! YOU HAVE VERMIN!! Please shoot me.
I went by my parents’ house this morning as my dad is taking my car to have new tires put on it. I updated my cold, heartless mother (who as you will recall laughed cruelly about the situation previously) and she told me to just put some DCON and water in the closet, it’ll die, and then just remove it. A dead chupacabra (or mouse the size of a large gerbil, take your pick). Dead and decomposing in my coat closet. I was hoping there was a way we could work together to liberate it without having to resort to violence, but my mother assures me that one cannot catch a live mouse, for they are crafty and wee. But my dad has a lot of experience with rodents so I’m hoping he has a better idea. My father is the neighborhood mole catcher/killer. My mother calls him The Mole-inator. He has some kind of trap that you put in the ground, it snaps down on the moles, killing them, and then you just pull it out and dispose of the evidence. Occasionally it doesn’t kill them so my dad has to finish them off, which I find incredibly disturbing. Anyway, he is so good at it that the neighbors started calling asking him to come help in their yards with their mole problems. So it’s like a new hobby I guess. Doesn’t bother him. This is the same man who sits on the back patio with a bb gun shooting the squirrels who try to steal “his peaches” from the next door neighbor’s peach trees. He really likes peaches. What were we talking about? Oh yes, point being that hopefully my dad won’t mind removing the dead, probably vicious and rabies carrying mouse from my home. I just wish he could figure out a way to do it without killing it.
And by the way, I am going to Home Depot this weekend and buying caulk, cement and whatever other sealing devices I can find and sealing up every opening to my home that isn’t required in order to breathe. Or enter and exit. For PEOPLE.
OK, this is what you do (I speak from bitter experience).
1) get the DCON, place in various spots in the house like in the kitchen in corners.
2) Do nothing else.
Really. the poison will take care of it. It makes them thirsty, they go outside to find water, and die OUTSIDE. Why your mom wants you to provide them with water so they can die on the premises…!?
Glue traps are horrible. if you want to catch them and prove that you;ve killed them, get snap traps.
You will survive. Just make sure that all food is in cabinets, and vacuum the countertops daily – that stuff is toxic.
EEk. I shutter at the thought. Let us know what happens.
You’re hilarious. We had some rodents in Cooper Young and we decided to use the glue traps. Those aren’t humane, so don’t try it. If we tried to pull the damn thing off to let it go, we probably would’ve amputated it’s legs, so Jodey just had to hit it in the head with a hammer. Good luck
And if you use poison, don’t let your pets eat it.